KKyllian: The Superhero of Beverly Hills
During a period of time in 2004 and brief stints through the years, there was a little known superhero that didn’t get much respect and wasn’t well known as the other superheroes of the time. He was there to fight crime and protect the people… for 2 hours a day and only on Sunday… and only in Beverly Hills… in the vicinity of Rodeo Dr. He was KKyllian, I was KKyllian.
The philosophy behind the 2 ‘K’, was that everyone had 2 strikes and the next mistake your done. But after further thinking about it, ‘K’ in baseball actually represents a strikeout. So in a sense 2 strikeouts and one more you are out of the inning. Of course, the explanation and symbolism of the name takes a while to explain. I still felt too strongly about it to change, thus sticking with KKyllian.
This is the first of my adventures as KKyllian, The Beverly Hills Superhero…
It’s Sunday, 9:30, and I am driving down Santa Monica heading west, in my Adrian Quihuis look. No one recognizes me and they have no clue. I turn left on Beverly Dr. Heading into the Beverly Hills Shopping District. I do the once around to see what the vibe of the streets is telling me. Tourists, Sunday family outings, and the occasionally high spenders, it’s telling me, it’s too quiet, too calm.
I turn left on Dayton and another left on Canon, I look left and right, just Sunday Morning eaters and walkers, not a rustle in the streets. I spot something up ahead.
“Perfect.”
Free 2 hour parking, I turn into the parking complex. Press the button and grab the parking ticket. The Parking attendant glances over at me. My mind races, ‘stay cool, stay cool, he doesn’t suspect a thing.’ I give a friendly head nod. He turns away. That was a close one, a little bit too close. Which gets me thinking, I can’t have anybody see me or recognize me, and able to connect me with this parking structure. I drive to the bottom floor, to get ready.
I get the bottom, bottom, bottom floor, like negative 4th floor. Just a few cars parked there, that’s good. I park over in the shadows behind a pillar, turn off the car but leave the cassette player on, (the radio doesn’t get reception) to pump me up.
I start undressing out of my Adrian outfit, to reveal the KKyllian outfit that I was wearing underneath.
A car enters the level, I stop what I am doing, lower the music and scrunch down in my seat and hide, so they can’t see me. Even though my windows are tinted, I am behind a pillar, I am dressed in all black and I am a good distance away. As a Superhero you take all precautions to hide your identity.
The gentleman shuts his door and goes to the elevator. I wait until he has left before I start doing anything. It would be just my luck if I start to continue to get ready and the car is shaking, catching his eye and then he goes to investigate to find me. Oh no, no, no, that’s not going to happen. He finally leaves.
I somewhat quickly get ready with some apparel giving me trouble, but I get through it, putting on the last piece my gloves. A smile comes over my face, I look in the mirror and nod my head, “Yeah!” I take the keys out, open the door and get out. I shut the door and stand there realizing, that I still have my keys in my hands. ‘Where do I put my keys?’ I can’t carry them around; Superheroes don’t carry their car keys in the hands while they are running around.
A car enters this level.
I quickly get back inside the car. I sit and try to figure out the key situation, while waiting for these people to leave. Well I could leave the keys on the tires or somewhere outside of the car, but that is too risky. I don’t really have any pockets to put a gang load of keys either. I could however just take the car keys and tie it onto my draw string. ‘Yes I’ll do that.’ The coast is clear. I quickly tie the keys and exit the car then sprint around the side of the car heading… to… the… elevator? I stop in my tracks. I can’t take the elevator, what was I thinking!
“AGGHH!!” I yell quietly in my mouth.
I hear a car coming. ‘Great!’ I lower myself down and do a monkey run back to my car. The car didn’t see me and neither did the row of cars following them. I get back in my car and untie the car key and turn back on some music to pump me back up, once again. The pump up song is Baba O’Reily by The Who. I peak behind the head rest of the front seat out into the parking level and watch these people take their time getting out of their cars and slowly walk over to the elevator. When that is happening, more cars are starting to fill up. I sigh and get ready.
Ok, I can’t go up the elevator, because Superheroes don’t wait for elevators. (They make their own elevators.) The stairs, every level has a stairs that leads up to the ground level. That’ll be perfect because no one uses the stairs.
20 minutes has gone by, and I am still in the car with my Superhero KKyllian outfit on, waiting for the coast to clear. This last couple is waiting for the elevator and that’s it, now is the time. I turn off the car, quickly tie the keys while getting out and sprinting towards the stairs that is right around the corner of the elevators. Running, so no car catches a glance of me dashing by, I slam into the door for the stairs. I look for the stairs, the goggles are restricting my vision; I don’t have any peripherals. It’s to my left and I burst up them and scale the rest of the stairs. Every floor I have to look directly at the door to see which floor I am on. Nope. Keep heading up. My adrenaline is pumping hard as I reach the ground level.
I burst through the door, into the bright sunlight; it blinds me for a second. I adjust my eyes and don’t know where I am at. I’ve gotten spun around in the parking lot, and don’t know what street I am on. People are staring at me.
‘Run,’ I say to myself. I book it out of there and am running down the sidewalk. I quickly look back to see where I came out of so I know how to get back. Ok, ok, feeling good. Everything looks good so far. My adrenaline is still pumping and it has me running at a pretty quick jogging pace, not something that I am used. It’s almost at a sprint. I recognize that I am on Beverly Dr. Ok, I know where I am at. People are all doing double takes and staring from all distances. It doesn’t faze me; I have a job to do. No trouble going on here or the other side of the street. Good, good.
“Oww,” screams a lady from across the street.
I keep running, passing some jewelry stores that are all clear, no unsuspicious people. I am coming to the cross street of Wilshire. What to do, what to do? I didn’t really think of a running route or a protection of society route. But soon enough I will know these streets, very well. I take a right on Wilshire, though I jog in place as I wait for the light. I still have to obey the law of the land; just because I am a Superhero doesn’t mean I can walk all over the law.
Lights green, I start running again. Checking the cars for any perps, (Yes, perps is also used in Superhero talk too.) Nothing, just the same as the streets. I judge every pedestrian, stereotype all civilians, make assumptions on all the public because that what Superheroes do, in order to keep the peace.
Oh man, I am getting a little winded. I am ok though, just have to pace myself. Slow down for starters, this speed ain’t doing me no good.
I run down Rodeo Dr. and it is a little bit more crowded on the sidewalk.
“Coming through, watch out, Keeper of Peace Coming Through,” I yell out. Keeper of Peace, I like how that sounds. I dodge the families, weaving in and out, trying to sense any danger in the area. None. My presence is keeping things at bay.
I am starting to breathe a little harder and am getting a little winded. My fast Superhero running form has turned into an out of shape superhero. My arms start to drag and my steps are lagging, my mouth opens up gasping for air.
Get yourself together man, act like a Superhero. I shape up for a bit but fall back into tired mode. My 2 hours of patrolling the area is going to have to be cut drastically. I take the side street coming and turn right. I slow down a bit in the uninhabited street to sort of catch my breath and feel a little better. I glance around. Ya, ya, ya, no crime here. I quickly make a Superhero decision to cross Beverly Dr. and come back down on Canon to the parking lot.
The lights green and I cross the street heading towards Canon. New problem is quickly rising, I am starting to perspire and which means so is my face leading to the goggles starting to fog up. The goggles just sabotaged me, they were doing fine and then bam, fog up city. I hit Canon, turn left and pick up the pace because I don’t know how long I have.
“Hey baby!” a woman yells out, then a crowd of womanly giggles follow.
I come up to the parking lot, and am searching for the stair doors. I can’t find it, all there is, is the car ramps and I can’t go down there because they’ll know I parked here. I keep running and pass it. I can’t stop to look for it, how would that look upon me as a Superhero? I can’t even get to my car. No, no, no. I have to go back door where I came in. I turn left on Burton. My goggles are half way fogged up. I cut down the alley, maybe it’s shorter.
“Look at that fine piece of ass!! Ooh girl, I want me that!” a woman yells out, that is working in receiving in one of the stores and is on break hanging out in the alley.
I am breathing heavily, and am trying to hurry up. My head is quickly going from my feet running to what is in front of me, with this sluggish run and gasping for air. The street slowly comes up, I run into the wall as I turn the corner and stay close to the wall for guidance. Rounding the corner, the goggles are fogged up and can only see objects and shapes. My breathing has become loud and raspy. My run is out of control hunched over with my arms flaying around.
“Poor guy,” I hear a gentleman say as I pass him by.
I try to wipe the goggles with my gloves on the outside. It doesn’t work because it’s inside. Superhero wishful thinking.
“Move!” I yell out because people in front of me have formed a line across the sidewalk. The people are startled but then the sidewalk is parted.
I think I see the parking lot stair entrance. I don’t have a choice I have to take it anyways, because I don’t know how much more I have. As a Superhero, I can’t stop or have the look of unsure on my face. I go to the area of the door and feel for the handle, I pull it open and get inside. A thought hits me, ‘What if someone tries to follow me?’ I don’t let them have a chance and I start running down the stairs as if someone is following me. I don’t hear anyone following but I don’t take a chance. Carefully place each foot on the steps in a hurry and hugging the railing all the way down. I get to the bottom level and come through the door and sprint back to the car. I grab the key that is still tied and pull it out to unlock the car, and then jump in. I stay hidden slumped down in my seat to catch my breath. I quickly finish my Gatorade and feel exhausted like I ran a marathon or something.
I resort to calling it a day. In review, 7 minutes of patrolling the streets and keeping it safe, I would say that, that is good enough for a 1st day. Now, to go back to the drawing board and work out some of the kinks on being Keeper of the Peace, as I continue to be KKyllian, The Superhero of Beverly Hills.
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