For the past 35 years, scientists have noticed the population of sharks have plummeted drastically, to the point of almost 98% extinction. It was due to the no regulations on sharks for the international waters, its a free for all. Which the Hong Kong fish market has capitalized on with the need for shark fins for the fabulous shark fin soup.
However a cause for concern has begin to happen over the last couple of years. Sharks have began reproducing asexually. Females have been producing babies at a dramatic rate almost doubling the amount of accurances over the past 2 years.
Which has led to a cause for concern by the government, thinking that the sharks might have had it and have decide to take back their planet. They have made the call that they hoped they didn't have to make to the retired Aquaman. Whom has been enjoying retired life on the eastern seaboard. Looking for action and feeling that he has a couple of good years left in him, Aquaman has come out of retirement and plans on raging war on the sharks and putting and end to their plan.
The sharks response to Aquaman coming out of retirement to battle them, "We can fly now, come and get us bitch!"
I hunt Blue Whales and only Blue Whales. I figure, I am a man, and I want a challenge. None of this, 3 bit crap, of hunting animals that are standing there 20 feet away staring at you like someone just farted or hunting some bird that can't fly and is not even bigger than a shoe box, yea I am talking about a quail.
Another thing, when I say hunting, I'm talking about Beowulf type hunting, buck ass naked, and my fisticuffs: Mean Joe Green and Ed Too Tall Jones.
And when I go hunting for Blue Whales, I bring tarter sauce.
Trudy and Jensons Childrens Variety Taped Live Telethon Show: Season 2
Half Siamese Twins, Trudy and Jenson are back with season 2 of their Children's Variety Taped Live Telethon Show. These 2 or 1 have written, produced, shot, edited, and performed the show to help raise money so children can be able to laugh again or scream in terror, their purpose has been established, they just know its for kids!
With in minutes of O.J. Simpson being found guilty for all 11 accounts, the Las Vegas travel department, city council, marketing and advertisement department, had a huge celebration in the Wynn Hotel and Casino. They were celebrating, the immortalization of their city's slogan, "What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas." Single handly, O.J. Simpson has made the moto legendary and forever true.
In response to the celebration, the Las Vegas Mayor had this to say, "We took a gamble a couple of years ago, going with this slogan. Let me tell you, it was all worth, it finally pays off."
An hour after the party began Las Vegas launched its next Slogan,
After 3 years of leaving the cycling world and going into the profession of rubbing elbows with Hollywoods sub-elite. He has announced his return to his one true love the Tour de France. Which means now, the Real race will begin and the competition will be fierce, and probably more cut throat then years before. Who will be his show girlfriend and supporter for the Tour de France. With so many eligible women wanting that prestigious status and to be holding him while on the winners circle, it is going to be an interesting 10 months to follow. Though I am going to Las Vegas and going to lay $100 dollars on Matthew Mcconaughey.
I recently was running home from work from the subway station at night, and I was cutting my way through the neighborhood to get to Sunset. I reached Sunset at Las Palmas, where there is a crosswalk, but not with lights, just a crosswalk. I looked both way to see that there were no cars for a distance, so I proceeded. As I was slowly jogging across there was a car in the far lane that was approaching pretty quickly and not slowing down and we were about to meet. Because I wasn't about to slow down so I can let him pass. It slowled down but not to a stop and as I got to the lane as it was fastly approaching, I snapped my fingers right at my side and whipped my neck, and went, "Hey" with my left leg lifting up for a slight skip. The car then stopped to a halt until I passed and then speeded off. Thinking back, I wondered why my instinctual reaction was to snap my fingers like I was aparted of the Jets in West Side Story.
It was the most grueling viral videos ever. 100 degree heat in the middle of summer, snow suit on and mask, not being able to move my arms and legs properly because of bookshelves are taped around my legs and arms, each weighing 20 pounds. Then a card table is attached to my back with nails in it, attached to a backpack, so the table could be attached. 3 hours, no water, no food, and any wrong moves could lead me to toppling over, to my ultimate death. I survived and was able to complete the greatest viral video that was shot in that apartment on that day. It was near epic but it will be a day that will live on in my mind box.
On August 4th, 2008 Morgan Freeman was involved in a car crash on a rural Mississippi highway. He sustained a broken arm, broken elbow and minor shoulder injury. Also involved in the crash in the passenger seat, was a female, Demaris Meyer. Found at the crash was a voice recorder, that was recording at the time of the crash. This is from the voice recorder.
"Morgan: I've never had fish tacos like that at T.G.I.Fridays, before. They were amazing.
Demaris: Watch out!
(screaching noise)
Morgan: When Mr. Morgan Freeman was younger, he went to the circus and saw the trampize artists and how happy they were. Well he made pact with himself that day to live life to the fullest and to be as happy as they were. Over the years, he dealt with hardships, and the steps of life...
Demaris: (Lots of screaming) Aggggh!!!
Morgan: ... in life you get to a certain age, when you start to ponder what is next in life. Do you walk on glass hoping and start preparing for the demise or do you live like you are just starting your life, that's at what point Mr. Morgan Freeman was coming to...
Morgan: ...little did Mr. Morgan Freeman know, but this was a new beginning for him, a wake up call as you will. And as he sat there, with the car turning over in mid air, everything became clear and more crisp...
Morgan: ...(screaming) Agggghh, also little did fucking Mr. Morgan Freeman know, is that he had a fucking broken arm, and broken elbow, and that his pain hurt like a mother fucking bitch slap on an Alaskan cold winter day, from a Pimp to his Ho.
It was the first day of the long awaited X-Men movie. The country has been salivating over its release date, waiting for the big event. I too was the same. It was My brother, a friend named Nick and me. We decided to go extra early to get tickets and wait in line for a good seat, 2 hours early. It was a 10:00 movie on a Friday, at Mesa Grand AMC, it was going to be a great crowd. The kind of crowd you want to see a movie like this.
With a movie of this magnitude, I had to show my own support, so I began searching through my clothes and household items, for a Wolverine Outfit. I got a leather jacket and a couple of layers of clothing, matching Wolverine in his casual attire, like when he was in the bar bare-knuckle fighting. It was pretty much exact with a few variations. Then I did my hair up like him, and had already been sporting the Wolverine like sideburns, (by choice.) The outfit was nearly completed except for the claws. I got out the aluminum foil and made some antimantium claws. I was set.
We headed over to the movies and got in line for the tickets. At the ticket booth, the woman, asked her usual ticket booth attendant response, “For what movie.” “What do you think?” I said, while giving her a fist full of claws up against the window, showing that I mean business. She laughed, “Right, how many?” “Count my claws.” She gave us the tickets and headed into the lobby, getting in line that had already formed for the 10:00 movie. We were somewhat near the front, which was good. We waited for an hour and half, with all of the other fellow X- Men audience, who were all gazing at my aluminum claws, with a smiles and a laughter. They finally let us into the theater. The theater was stadium seating so we found our seats on the aisle on the left side just below the middle and waited. It was time, about 10 minutes for the trailers and the movie are about to come on. I leave and head down the stairs and exit toward the left of the theater and went to the restroom. I walk into the bathroom quickly look in the mirror, half chuckled and headed back in, but this time I enter on the right side and walk all the way to the front of the theater, my head is down and my claws are positioned up against my stomach, to make it unnoticeable as possible. I walked right up against the movie screen and could easily touch it. I kept walking until I got to the middle of the theater, turned to the audience and in one motion I crotched down bringing my claws down at my side and slowly rose up, shooting my claws up into the air in front of me, roaring to the audience. “RRRRrrooooooaaaaaaarrrrrrrraaaaaaggghhhhh!!!!!”
The whole theater went dead silent, absolutely not a peep. Quiet and still. Then a long moment of a mute audience was suddenly interrupted by a single clap, then another and another to an explosion of screaming out “Yeah!!!”, and cheering, clapping, laughing and hollering. I smiled and shot my left hand back up in the air and returned to my seat, with audience getting louder and louder. I sat down with a huge smile on my face in awe of an emotion that I can’t describe. The people sitting in front of my turned back to me, “That was funny.” Then a gentleman came running up the stairs to my seat, and on the stairs next to me, “Oh man, that was awesome! Hey listen, I work at a comic book store, and was wondering if you can come in and if I can take a couple of pictures of you to put up on the wall. I’ll give you some discounts on stuff at the store. What do you say?” “Sorry bud, I am heading out of town tomorrow, going to the Grand Canyon.”
Adrian Quihuis, the Amazing Magician!! While being locked up in his room he performs the greastest magic trick ever! Escaping from a card board box!
This is what happens when I live alone and have no friends and don't go out. I put on little shows in my bedroom. Audience of me. This is also a sure fire way to the hospital, because I needed surgery after this magic trick. This magic trick took months of training and preparation and I ask that no one tries this trick at home or anywhere as a matter a fact this is a death defying trick and should only be done by professionals or me. And I probably won't be doing it again, that is why I recorded it.
I’m under the stage in the dressing room hallway at the Scottsdale center for the Art Auditorium in Arizona. I’m pacing back and forth dance walking, which consist of jerking arms by my side and my legs going along with them. I’ve been going at this nonstop ever since I arrived here. I’m getting ready, visualizing in my mind. The other contestants are waiting in the dressing rooms to go on and they are all starting to get a little uncomfortable with me. I’m cool though, this is what I do. This is how I get ready.
Get Ready for what? It was their Arizona stop for Showtime at the Apollo’s World Tour. I went through the audition process, which another story but let me thank the kids dance troupe of 30 that absolutely loved my material, and I was in.
I’m 2 away now and just drank 3 red bulls in a row right before this, trying to loosen myself up but my legs are still numb. I haven’t stopped moving for the past 3 hours, so I should be pretty god damned loose. I was looking for something to pump me up, I tried singing Einem’s Loose Yourself but all I knew is “You have one shot, one chance…” I don’t even know if that is right, I just kept on singing that line over and over.
I’m next but before they call me out, I don’t know what their rational of thinking was, they have “A professional” woman comedian come on before me, because the audience is just loving the comedian host already. She bombs, and they start booing her. And their boos trickle onto the host who introduces me with, “Our next contestant a comedian…” Unleash the boos. I’m still standing off stage, my name hasn’t even been said yet and I’m getting booed. “Adrian Quihuis,” “Booo!!!” yell the audience.
Feet don’t fail me now, I groove my way out there, rub the tree of hope, as the boos don’t stop and keep getting louder and louder. I dance my way to the Mic. “The robot.” I do my robot dance. “Running Man” I do my running man dance. “Washing the dishes.” I do my washing the dishes dance. “The ceiling fan” The sirens come on and the crazy homeless man dances out to come and get me. I put on some funky dance moves for salvation while I exit after being booed off the stage.
My family, friends, relatives all came to watch me for 45 seconds of the audience booing at me and as much as it was all fun and entertainment having an auditorium full of people booing at me with hatred, it’s not something they are used to or anyone would be used to. My youngest brother in tears, couldn’t understand why everyone hated me. They were all sort of hurt in a way, but they give me hugs and that was that.
A voice message. It’s a year later, I’m living in the outskirts of Korea town. Paradise. It’s my mom, she says there’s a woman from the Apollo and she loved my routine at the audition and wants me to perform it again live on stage for Showtime at the Apollo, in Harlem, in New York on National Television.
Let’s Rock n Roll.
3 weeks later I’m in Newark airport in Jersey, getting picked up by my friend John in the evening.
1 day until Showtime.
Now going into this I had to get ready, I’m mean, this ain’t no St. Andrew’s Church, Life Teen Talent Show. It’s fucking Showtime at the Apollo. Now looking back at my performance, I got booed off, quite convincingly, pretty much before my name was said. So why would they want me there? And I figured it out, they’re throwing me to the wolves, I am the sacrifice for the unruly Vultures of the Harlem audience. Give them someone to boo and wap wap so they’ll be satisfied.
Alright, alright, they want to throw me to the wolves. They don’t think I can win. They don’t think I have a chance. Alright, alright.
Tomorrow will be my Swan Song.
That evening, instead of enjoying New York the city life, we spent most it searching for an Art supply store or a Halloween shop, we found one and just in time.
We head back to Jersey and hang out in a college bar till 2 am, the crashed out about 3.
Today I will go down in a blaze of glory.
We get an hour of sleep for the biggest performance of my life. We’re late, we skip breakfast, thinking they’ll have some. Call time is 6 am, we get there and sit for the next 4 hours, no food or no refreshments. My show is the second of the 3 that day. We head to the backstage music room which is being used as the waiting room and wait for our turn. John is with me this whole time and every so often we look at each other and start laughing. “What the fuck am I doing?”
The first show ends. John leaves to go get a seat. I go to get ready and head to the dressing/ bathrooms, and into one of the stalls.
Head back to the waiting room as they clear the audience out for the next show. It’s lunch time for the crew, not us, the crew. One few white guys of the production team sits next to me with his lemon pepper chicken. He glances at me. “What do you do?” he says. I smile, because I know where he is going with this. “I’m a comedian.” “That’s what I thought. Just to let you know, the audience doesn’t really like comics. Here’s a tip, the audience is black and they love black soulful singers. There was a comic yesterday and he got booed right off the stage during the first joke.” I smile again at him, “I know what I’m doing. I got it.” “Ok, if you know what you are doing.” “I do.” The last stop until Showtime, the green room. We’re up but we still wait, but in the waiting process, I do an interview with Kid, from ‘Kid n Play’ fame. 1980’s. House Party 1-7. I answer all my questions to future Adrian watching in Arizona 3 weeks from now. It sort of freaks Kid out. I then riled up a kids dance troop to chasing me around the room and then have their supervisor yell at them. Nice.
It was my time to get focused, they bring me on stage level. There’s 2 people in front of me. 2 black soulful singers and they bring the house down, the audience is loving it, they are in a fucking frenzy. I’m thinking, the crowd is up, they’re digging it, the energy is great, they want me. I’m off stage jumping around, my body is convulsing in dance.
Then the stage manager asks me, “Do you want the microphone stand on stage.” “Uh yeah” “Ok don’t go on yet.” The black soulful singer that has the crowd loving him ends. Monique goes up, “my next contestant is a 23 year old comedian, named Adrian ” I don’t go out. The microphone stands is set and they start back over again. Monique messes up my name again and we cut for a 5 minute break.
The audience that I had, that was in a frenzy, gone. They are now pissed and actually start heckling me, “Yo Adrian.” “Come on out, what are you scared of.” They’re a rowdy bunch.
Now this is it. Monique wobbles her way on stage. “… Adrian kaweez” It’s a crazy unbelievable feeling coming around the curtain and seeing lights blasting on you, the theater in maximum capacity and full of vultures waiting for you to fail. 3 floors watching for that single mistake.
I rub the tree of hope, and start dancing away towards the microphone. Do some twinkle toes, into a spin then down for the splits, I pop back up, lean into the mic, “The robot” There is grumbling that is starting to rise from the crowd “The Running man”. The boos rein down. “Washing the dishes,”. The chant of “wap wap” runs wild. I give a laugh filled sigh. “Hugh” “the ceiling fan.” I spin around doing 2 rotations then turn my back to the audience. They start yelling and booing, John in the 2nd balcony said, they were yelling out, “fuck you, get off the fucking stage!” “I’ll fucking kill you!”
I pull my shirt off and I turn back around and I am colored all green, my face, my chest, my arms, all green. I am The Hulk. I crouch and hunch over flexing my muscles and roaring at the audience. “Rooar!!” I then face another side of the audience and roar again I have this possessed look on my face. No one is coming out, the band isn’t playing, so I keep roaring. My friend said that when I started to turn into the Hulk, some of the band members started to get up and leave. “Roar” Finally the siren come on, and the hip hop tap dancer bounces on down from the side balcony. He’s sort of taken back by me, he corrals me and points me in the direction, and softly says, “go.” He guides me off stage as I am still roaring at the crowd.
The Aftermath
I come off the stage from everything being a blur to slow motion, timeless, and into my celebration march. Backstage people come up from the wood works right up to me, giving me high fives, congratulating me, patting me on the back, still laughing from what they just saw, Monique goes on a ten minute rant on the whole thing. Kid comes over and gives me some dap. I walk by and people give me thumbs up from a distance, I get the stare, laugh and the shake of the head. A production crew guy comes out to see me and says that was the best thing he’s even seen. The show ends and I grab my stuff and head out to go meet John in the lobby where the whole black audience that just watched the show is leaving. They see me and they all stop exiting. People next to me take a couple of steps back, giving me space. Clap, Clap, Clap the lobby burst into applause and laughter, screams of the Hulk. They make a path for me and I take it to the door. As I walk by hands pop out for handshakes, pats on the back, more compliments, pictures flashing, then pictures taken with me and their families. I head out onto the street and people ordering in McDonalds, that just saw the show rush on out just yell ‘Hulk’ and wave. More pictures with families as we make our way to the car. A couple of blocks away cars drive by screaming, “Hulk!”
When it aired on tv, my aunt and uncle that were there for the show in Arizona, they watched and I guess was expecting the same thing. They said they were speechless and didn’t move for 20 minutes. My performance was on the highlight show and they replay the Hulk from time to time.
As I was heading out of the theater after the show I bumped into the producer, I auditioned for her back in Arizona and she’s the one that called me to perform in Harlem. She did a double take and then looked at me and went, “Adrian, you’re a Wildman.”
